October 6th, 2015

People ditch me. It’s something I’ve grown to get used to. Maybe its me. Maybe I’m not good enough. Or at least that’s what I begin to believe when they ignore me. All my life I’ve never truly felt good enough. I always feel less than, like I don’t matter. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all in my head. Like I’m just blowing things out of portion. Then there are times when people I know will say hi to someone right next to me and pretend like I was never even there. This has done significant damage to my ego. Then there’s the people who use me, for their own convenience and selfish agendas. When they need something they ask and I give. I’ve been used and taken for granted so many times I’ve lost count. This of course hurts, it’s worst because I sit and think about it all the time. Why don’t people like me? Is it my personality, is it the way I look? What is it? Contemplating these ideas as if I could change them in any way, like I can fix who I am. I can’t fix me, nor do I want to. Sometimes I like who I am. Then again sometimes I wish I was who I’ve always wanted to be. She is confident. With beauty, inside and out. She is beyond intelligent and wise. She’s fit and healthy. This magnificent being is envied by all. She’s a wonderful communicator, and treats everyone with the upmost respect and compassion. No one can compare to her. She’s never vain or arrogant, always modest and humble. She’s understanding, does her best to be nonjudgmental, and she admires as well as respects where people come from no matter what. The women I yearn to be is loved and wanted. She’s almost perfect, however she is still human so she’s perfectly imperfect. Someday she will be me.

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Mother Teresa. Pictures tagged “unloved” Digital image. Picturequotes.com. Picture Quotes, n.d. Web. 6 Oct. 2015.

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